WILL GRANDSON JACK TURN OUT LIKE CAIN, ABEL OR THE CARNIVOROUS JEHOVAH

On the second to last day before March, as Nena and I were met at the gate by 7 year old grandson Jack, I asked innocently:  "Where's your dad?"

The normally sweet little boy, suddenly sounded  like a surly teenager:  "I don't monitor my father's movements," he replied with his smallish voice.

The snarky remark, constructed with adult words but without adult understanding of their effect, was quickly handled by Nena.

"Jack, have you ever heard the story of Cain and Able?" Nena asked, falling back on her old belief system.

Nena and I, neither true believers in God or his Book, nonetheless have our brain cells filled with Biblical anecdotes, Scriptural quotes, parables and Beasts of the Revelation.  Involuntarily, we call on this old, long since debunked mythology to explain current life situations.

As Nena passionately conveyed the story of Cain and Able, Jack's eyes got bigger, then bigger.

Grandma related how when the God of the Universe asked Cain the whereabouts of his brother, Cain responded:  "Am I my brother's keeper?" a statement resembling Jack's answer to my question about his dad's whereabouts.

Jack seemed to get the point, patting me on the back with his little hand:  "I'm sorry Grandpa."

THE STORY OF CAIN, ABLE AND CARNIVOROUS JEHOVAH

God has long had a preoccupation, if not an obsession with meat. Although Cain worked hard to produce an offering of vegetables, it was rejected by God because it was not meat.(Able's meat sacrifice met quickly with divine favor.) 

Many years later, Israelite priests were instructed to save certain cuts of meat for the Lord God, the fatty portions. (Not my personal preference, but then I'm not God.) 

At times church leaders have tried to explain away certain actions attributed to God as anthromorphic, that is, human traits attributed to a deity. The Almighty, they say, is really not "hurt" by human actions, nor does he really crave meat, they imply.  He's just trying show humans how pitiful they act and look.  What?

God made specific rules about the eating of meat. At first(until the flood) no meat could be eaten.(Evidently, Abel was as sheep herder only for the wool and hides.) Interesting that righteous Abel, just outside the Garden of Eden, offered essentially illegal contraband, meat, even "their fatty pieces" and it was readily accepted by Jehovah. 

After the flood "every flying creature, every moving animal and fish" became fair game so to speak. With the Mosaic Law God greatly limited the types of meat that could be eaten. Church historians have strongly hinted that preventing diseases like trichinosis played a part in God's new meat rules prohibiting pork, etc. 

Its a shame that God wouldn't have moved earlier and  protected his "friends" Abraham, Isaac and Jacob or ancient greats like Job and Melchizadek from trichinosis. 

Later on God used quail meat to punish ungrateful Israelites who tired of manna during their 40 year trek through the wilderness. He made them eat quail till it came out of their noses. You can even get tired of Big Macs if you eat them every day.

The Book hints that paradise will be vegetarian. Animals will lose their carnivoristic predisposition. Isaiah tells us in prophecy: "the lion will eat straw just like the bull." 

Yet, before God introduces the vegan lifestyle, according to the Book of Revelation, he has scheduled one final meat lovers' "Evening Meal of God" to consume all the dead carcasses from Armageddon. Presumably birds of prey and other still carnivorous creatures will enjoy God's Great Meat Dinner.

This future vegetarian paradise leaves many questions unanswered. Will fish distinguish between animal, bacterial and plant plankton? Will purple martins still consume 600 mosquitoes an hour? What will ant eaters use their snouts for?

Humans may be able to satisfy their cravings by eating "well-oiled dishes filled with marrow," not really meat, but close.