Local blogger, Cap'n Bob, recently gave us a video tour of his palatial home on Jacaranda Street on his blog, The Captain's Table.
With his camera in tow and classical music on the home's integrated sound system, the Cap'n allowed us to peer into Rio Viejo living.
Bob's interior decorator has filled nearly every square inch of floor space, integrating high end upholstered furniture, oriental rugs with plastic storage racks. The walls are filled with deer heads, exotic animals killed on African safari and paintings.
All of us personalize our dwellings to our satisfaction, and Bob has gone that extra mile.
I see he is claiming to have shot a striped horse based on the skin on the wall. I mean a horse for God's sake!
ReplyDeleteBob was dropped by Duardo and now you pick him up?!
ReplyDeletejust a bit of unrecognized subtlety.
DeleteNo, I did not "drop" Captain Bob. he simply stopped writing and is now posting photos and videos, which is not what his feature "The Paragraphs Man" was about. We'll check from time to time and should he get back to writing, well, we'll use his stuff. Not everything is a raging mystery, is it?...
Delete/DP-M
I don't understand what "dropping the captain" means? Is this new street sex slang? What does it mean since it don't seem to make much sense that anyone can drop a captain because a captain is always on top. As we all know from Dr. Oz and The Turd Channel, shit flows downhill so it should be the captain "dropping" something or someone. Like the Cuban song says: "Yo no soy marinero, soy Captain Bob." Wait. one. minute. mister. D/PM is an Admiral, which is higher than a captain, so that explains why the captain is always tea-bagging the admiral's nutsack and exhorting his lovely gal to entertain him on the phone for 30 minutes. "So, with your orange hair and drooping jowls, are you like really an Alpha male?" All bullshit aside, I agree with the unctuous D/PM that no one gives a shit about the DEAD redfish, DEAD zebra, DEAD deer, DEAD sailfish or his aerated resaca a stone's throw away or his fabulous avocados. The guided tours of his palace were supposed to make homeless and carless bloggers jealous not realizing that for waterboy bloggers, Home Is Where You Make It. McHale lives in a seedy downtown (redundant?) motel, Montoya at the city library, Barton in a mobile home park homeschooling his grandkid and BWC, looking down the precipice of death, still finds joy in document-driven anal sex. None of the bloggers are trapped, confined inside a Victorian dusthouse with DEAD animals staring you down. What the good captain didn't realize is it was never about the big empty shell of a house with a cheezy pawnshop TV, but about the nut living inside it and his 24-7 drama, the latest spat with the state rep who stole away his wife, why the sun sets below his mandarin tree, and his delusional mayfly love story that fills us mere mortals with envy, laughter and jealousy. Write, Capt. Bob!!! Write those love-infused paragraphs in your own awkward words and not some parasite's. We don't give a shit about grammer and unctuation. We want to listen to your Song To Myself.
Delete"...I will go to the bank by the wood and become undisguised and naked,
I am mad for it to be in contact with me..." Walt Whitman
Please, no boring silent pictures or videos of leaves of grass, trees, or blue skies. Walk out to the edge of the resaca, pelon y encuerado, and shout to the world, "I'm Captain Bob, and I'm not gonna take it up the ass anymore!!!"
...not that there's anything wrong with that
DeleteHey cabron, lay off the drugs and pay your employees!
ReplyDeleteHow sad. You can hire the best interior decorator, buy high end furniture, display oriental rugs and fill the walls with exotic hides.....And it still won't make a house, a home.
ReplyDeleteAll that luxury, money, and Viagra
ReplyDeleteAnd still the wife cheats with an overweight, older, alcoholic! Damn Robert you must really be messed up.
That should tell you how “messed up” Ben Neece is for the beautiful Amanda McDonald to have left him for Captain Bob. Talk about a major upgrade .
DeleteYou mean Sossi's Amanda McDonald? Esa vieja ya le dio vuelta. She might be 38 but her odometer has many many miles!
DeleteGreat interior decorator for home or office in Massachusetts.
ReplyDeleteInterior decorator