Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Joe Rivera~"I Wanna Be Yer County Judge!"

To the Voters of Cameron County:

When Brother Gilbert called me last fall, he said: "Joe, I need a favor. We're a little backwards in our races in the county, you know with Sylvia running for judge. Ain't no girl gonna beat Cascos, even a pushy one like Sylvia," Gilbert said.

So, I agreed to run for judge and let Sylvia have my old clerk job. Like I told her, it's an easy gig. Your assistants do all the work.

After nearly 40 years in this business, I have my haters. Some say I make deals, but that's what politicians do. We didn't get rockets here by not making deals.

Some say I make my employees sell raffle tickets to my pachangas. That's a lie! If one of my workers doesn't want to sell tickets, they can just buy them and keep their job.

As for the fancy portrait, that was Aurora's idea and she got a doctor to pay for them, so what's the fuss about?

This race against Cascos will come down to demographics. I will get almost all of the hispanic women's vote, while Cascos may get the votes of a few jealous husbands, plus the old white ladies and tea party nuts.

Cascos has hurt the county. A lot of my friends and relatives that work for the county haven't got a raise in years. After my election, I will give everyone the raise they deserve.

For those of you who are new voters, I serve Bud Light and Miller Lite at my pachangas. The chicken is grilled at 450 degrees. Anyone wearing a Joe Rivera sticker can eat and drink.

Your next county judge,

Joe

7 comments:

  1. Don't know who the cartoonist is here, but there are clear signs of dementia in these drawings. Get help.

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  2. I can just imagine the first item on the agenda placed by Sanchez on Joe’s first meeting as County Judge. Raise Joe’s salary by 10,000 dollar since he cannot take a demotion in salary. Of course later on it would be raised to 100,000 dollars. Joe would open up all the floodgates for pay raises including those of County Commissioners since this is what he is promising in order to get his votes from all the county employees and their families. It doesn’t matter if there has been no inflation in so many years. Many private companies on the outside world have not been able to give pay raises. We the taxpayers cannot afford any more tax increases just so that the County Commissioners can continue to fatten their wallets.

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  3. Let's hope Joe and Gilberto Hinojosa are not elected in the Fall. Joe is a dupe for Gilberto and all his shady attorney friends. A vote for Joe is a vote for the scum bags who have controlled this county for years. A vote for Joe is a vote for "Disable" Limas and Villalobos.....their way of managing the judicial system. A vote for Joe Rivera is a vote for a man without morale courage...who has gone alone with the corruption in this county for 38 years....without a pip for honor and the people.

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    Replies
    1. "without a pip" ha ha ha ha You mean "peep," don't you, pendejo? Ha ha ha

      Delete
    2. Pip or peep, Joe Rivera is a dumb, lazy, crooked disgrace.

      Delete

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