THE BROWNSVILLE OBSERVER RELEASES DEFINITIVE STUDY ON LOSS OF INTELLIGENCE AMONG ELDERLY

"You used to be smart, but you've lost a lot in recent years."

Nobody likes to hear that, especially from their own son.  Some self-doubt creeps in.  Your walk even becomes slower and you stop reaching for your glasses to read the fine print.

"You wouldn't understand it, anyway!" you tell yourself.

Then a brainstorm hits, an idea, a concept that only a man with an extraordinary intelligence quotient could conceive.

Yes, that bathroom scale, not working for a month, needs a fresh 2025 lithium battery to operate.  Two years ago, Walmart forced you to buy TWO 2025s, but the second one is who knows where, likely the Brownsville Landfill.

But, we're going to outsmart the greedy profiteers this time!  Yes, I still will have to buy two lithium batteries, that's a given.  That's the way the big box stores of the universe roll.  But, this time we will tape that extra lithium battery to the bottom of the scale so that in two years, just when Walmart expects us to come crawling back to them for a lithium replacement, we will be well ahead of the game.  

It actually felt pretty good driving to Walmart on Boca Chica, knowing my game plan.  I found the "Battery Center" easily.  This was going to be like "taking candy from a baby!"

The "Battery Center" was about half-stocked.  The spot for 2025s was empty, but if you wanted to know which battery you needed, there was a card with cutouts matching the size of each battery.  Of course, I had my old, worn out lithium 2025 and the number was right on it, so why the card?  

I walked out onto the parking lot in a daze, thinking of other big box stores.  Should I drive all the way to Target or just try another Walmart?

Then, it hit me.  Walgreens!!!  So, I drove to Four Corners.  No flood waters impeded my trip, just the normal sewage smell in front of Walgreens/McDonalds that no one in the city can fix.

Walgreens had the batteries, but in two completely different packages.  What could be the difference?  I got out my reading glasses, noting that one package was dated 2015, the other 2017.  Yes, knowledge is power and there's no substitute for raw intelligence.  I felt like Inspector Sherlock Holmes of the Scotland Yard.

My total came to around $8, after adding the City of Brownsville's 8.25% tax.

My scale problem was soon solved and a new battery is taped on the underside of the scale for "next time."

I couldn't help but tell my son how skillfully his old man had handled the scale situation.

"Why didn't you just order the batteries online?  It would have been a lot cheaper and you wouldn't have had to do all that running around?" commented my son, Diego Lee Rot.

Checking online, I found a two pack of 2025s at Google Express for $2.09 with free shipping.  Walmart had the same, but for $2.79 and free shipping.

The self doubt returned.  Maybe I should turn in my drivers license.  Perhaps, I do need a home health caregiver to routinely check on my status.